Treating Your Friends Like Your Shoes

So the last couple of months have turned out to be a whirlwind for me. Some of the air currents have been warm and pleasant and some have been incredibly cold and biting. But the end result was that I got married to the love of my life. I couldn't have survived all the ups and downs of this adventure without my dearest friends. As I thought about packing up my life to start a new one, I thought about what were my greatest treasures in my house and how I would care for them in this move. I began to realize that among those things I valued the most is my extensive shoe collection. Now to my usual readers this should come as no surprise as the revelation wasn't a huge surprise to me. What did surprise me was that on further reflection I realized that the way I select and care for my shoes is almost a metaphor for how to create and maintain friendships.

Now hear me out on this one; I promise I didn't lose my marbles in the move. In fact quite the contrary. It has given me far too much time to think. So to my metaphor. Lets start with the extremely obvious fact that I have tons of shoes. Anywhere I go I always have my eyes open for something new, something unique, something special to add to my collection. I pick my friends the same way. Any time I end up in a new situation, I always have my eyes open for new people to add to my acquaintance. But being a slightly eccentric and artsy soul myself I look for the slightly outré and unique in my friends. I think of it as the mixing patterns of life. Think of it as me being a pair of leopard heels and my friend as a floral skirt and together we make the world more interesting and beautiful.

Now having as vast a collection of shoes as I do, it is physically impossible to not have some that are at least somewhat similar. But though similar maybe in style or color, no two pairs are alike. Each one serves a different function in my wardrobe and each one holds a different place in my heart. My friends are exactly the same way. Though some may share preferences or hobbies or characteristics, each one of them is intensely unique. Each one has a different story to tell about their life and how they became the person they are today and each one has a different impetus that caused our lives to collide and each one has a different role to play in my story that is still unwritten. Some are the sky-high platform heels that get brought out when you've had a bad day and you need to remember why you're in love with your life to begin with. Some are the trusty pumps that you wear to work every day and yet never manage to tire of their constant presence in your life. And some are the artsy pair that never seems to quite fit with any outfit yet manages to make each one look better and stand out.

After all this I began contemplating how I take care of my shoes. Since I'm so fond of all of them, I would really like to keep them around for a long time since their uniqueness makes them irreplaceable. I feel the same way about my friends. My girls that have been with me through the sunny days and the rainy ones are the girls that I plan on keeping around me forever and introducing to my children as the examples of genuineness that is nowadays hard come by. But just as all of my shoes aren't made of the same materials, so my friendships are built on different memories and circumstances. So the suede ones have to be handled with care and kept out of the rain, so the sensitive souls must be loved on more and told the truth with care and compassion. The patent leather ones however let everything roll off their toes and are always ready to be of service. Just as each material requires a particular type of maintenance so each friendship requires a different type of care particular to the disposition of each.

As dearly as I love my shoe collection and much as I reply upon them to complete and vary my wardrobe, I realized how much more I love my friends and reply on them to complete and my life and to keep it interesting. Though I know everyone is partial to their own friends and family, I feel that I am indeed blessed with the most wonderful friends who have become my family and mean the world to me.


"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"The only way to have a friend is to be one." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Friends are like shoes, some loose some tight, some fit just right, and they help us as we walk through life."

Hello world

So  I realized the other day that I hadn't written on my blog for almost a year. I really missed all of my kind readers while I was absent. The last year has been crazy: moving into a new house, starting a business, making new friends, assimilating into a new church, falling in love and getting my heart broken - twice. This year I felt like everything was spiraling out of control and everything was disorganized. For a type A person like me, having a disorganized life pretty much feels like the epitome of failure. Especially if I'm writing social commentary and giving recommendations to other people on ways to better their own lives. I mean, aren't bloggers supposed to have it all together? But after a very eventful year and summer I am back.

So school started two days and we are all back on our crazy fall schedule. I'm still slightly annoyed by the fact that school starts in August. I mean, isn't August still supposed to be summer? I feel like I blinked and summer was over. But when school starts it feels like it should be fall even when its 100 degrees outside. So every morning puts me in quite the quandary as I pick out my work clothes for the day. I don't want to feel all summery anymore but I don't want to look ridiculous and I definitely don't want heatstroke. So here are some of the ideas that I have come up with this far (now that I finally figured out how to add pictures).

Most of the outfits I have put together thus far are just rearranging my old wardrobe. But if I add some new pieces I will link them in for y'all in case it happens to be the thing you're looking for! Stay tuned and we will get through this weird summer/fall/transitional/schizophrenic weather together!! 

"People will stare. Make it worth their while." - Harry Winston 

" Every day is a fashion show and the world is the runway." - Coco Chanel 

Inspiration

So I was thinking about this week's post, and I was having a little trouble being inspired. But then I actually starting thinking about inspiration. I tend to think of inspiration as sort of an artistic lightning bolt, or like Isaac Newton and the apple; it suddenly hits you and you know exactly what to do or say. While it is true that inspiration may sometimes come in that manner, I have decided that inspiration often comes quietly through the things and people we love, and for that I feel we don't give them enough credit.

I had to laugh when I looked up the word "inspiration" in the dictionary. It is so intangible a concept that in order to define the word, they had to use the word itself. "1. An inspiring or animating action or influence. 2. Something inspired, as an idea." As badly as they defined the word, I actually found their definition oddly compelling. It is only fitting that the name given to so undefinable a feeling should also essentially be undefinable. But then that begs the question, how shallow am I that I actually expected it to be defined? Part of the abstractness of the concept is that inspiration is relative: it is different for every person. Now for people of strong convictions and morals the thought of anything being relative is unnerving. However we aren't discussing truth, so just bear with me on this for a minute. If you break this down further and look up the word "inspire" you get this, "1. To fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence. 2. To produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.)." This whole definition is describing feelings and emotions. Different things cause different emotions in different people (take cats or wrestling as examples). Therefore inspiration is relative. Something that brighten one person's day may be found entirely repugnant by another.

Another thing that caught my attention in our original definition of "inspiration" is that it was identified as a noun. In my mind I had regarded it as a verb; a process. But I think a more accurate view of it would be that the inspiration resides in the object that does the inspiring, rather the object doing the action of inspiring. I realize now that that we are really just arguing semantics, but I also believe semantics can change a lot in our application of some things. So what exactly are we saying here? I'm simply saying that everything and everyone inherently hold the potential to inspire anyone. When that potential reacts with the personality of the right individually, you get an inspired person.

So pulling myself out of the philosophical quagmire, I began thinking about what inspires me. That things that inspire me are the things that I love: fall, anything pumpkin, shoes, good food, nail polish, coffee, jewelry, dessert, designer clothes, gardens, small fluffy pets, music, dogs, roses, cooking, and the list goes on. So what is my bottom line in this? Make your love and your life part of your creative process. If you feel stuck then turn to the things and people that make you smile and make you want more of them. When you find ways to do what you love and you surround yourself with the things and people you love, you're looking at your inspiration. So stop sitting around waiting for the lightning. Go live your life, and the inspiration will find you.

"I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched." - Edgar Allan Poe

Imma Imma a Diva!

So last Sunday at church my pastor called me a diva and meant it as a compliment. I'll be honest; it caught me completely off guard. If you're a Gleek then the diva-offs and Diva Week are firmly implanted in your brain. You remember how all the girls turned into complete witches and were willing to turn on each other and their friends. I think when we hear the word "diva" we automatically interpret that as nightmare and terror. But I think Chris Colfer as Kurt pegged it, "You're a diva because you're talented and ambitious, and because no one else in the world can do what you . . . can do. That's what being a diva's all about. Being an original. One of a kind. So hold the nightmare but bring the diva." Being talented and ambitious was never a bad thing. In fact, our world could use more ambitious women who realize that they bring something to the world that no else can. The problem arises when you're willing to trash your friends and throw anyone under the bus to gain what you want.

Being a mean person is a vicious cycle. When you are unkind to someone, or vernally shove them because you think they're in the way of your trek to the top, then most times you create an enemy. The more enemies you leave in your wake, the more people you have trying to stop you. Then you feel thwarted and feel like you need to trash and shove more people. Actually the contrary is true. When you are a kind person, people love you and they will be willing to go out of their way to help you succeed. It is exactly as the old adage quips, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

And let me debunk another misconception that being nice and kind means you are weak. To that I would emphatically say au contraire. In fact, it takes far more strength, confidence, and character to be nice to everyone than it takes to be heinous. Being mean is easy, and in fact comes quite naturally. Doing the right thing is typically not the same as doing the easy thing. If being a diva is about being one of a kind, then I would argue that it would follow naturally that it means being nice. Mean people are everywhere, but truly nice and genuine people are much more difficult to find.

Another huge part of being a diva is knowing what you want and what you stand for, and also demanding respect from those around you. No one is more respected than when they stand up for who they are and what they believe: even when their beliefs are controversial. Never apologize for having standard and beliefs, even if it gets you in trouble. Anyone can change to fit the culture or the situation, but it takes a strong and determined person to stick by their guns when it's difficult. That's a diva.

The last part of being a diva is never underestimating yourself. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. If you are convinced you will succeed, then you will quickly convince those around you. You should be pushing yourself harder than anyone else is pushing you. A diva is self-motivated.  You can achieve so much more than you even think you can. But let me clarify: there is a huge difference between being hard on yourself and being down on yourself. It's the difference between challenging yourself to succeed and be great, and beating yourself up because of how you look or because you failed at something. If you don't like the way you dress or act, then change it. Don't criticize yourself, look for a solution. Don't get in your own way. There is only one of you in the world so embrace it. Be weird! It is our individual eccentricities that make us who we are. So seize the weird and use it to push yourself to the top.

So from my perspective being called a diva is a high compliment. It means that someone else noticed that you are strong, opinionated, original and not afraid of yourself. I think we could most definitely use more people, especially women, like this. Politely demand to be noticed. Hold the nightmare and bring the diva!!

"Well-behaved women seldom make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"A true diva has dismissed the drama. A true diva's heart is open and she's ready to play by her own rules - rules that are gentle and kind." - Jenifer Lewis

Hows and Whys of Perfume

" A woman's perfume tells more about her than her handwriting." - Christian Dior

I saw this quote and it made me start wondering, when did we trade the honesty art of perfume to the commercialism of body sprays? Somewhere along the way we lost Chanel No 5 to Japanese Cherry Blossom. While I enjoy having an allergy attack in Bath and Body Works as much as the next person, I have begun to realize that the scent industry has become highly overdone and impersonal. It used to be that you had a handful of classy scents to choose from. You picked one, took it home, and proceeded to pour it into a work-of-art bottle and set it on your dresser. Perfume was part of the normal morning beauty ritual; right after bathing with soap-scented soap. Today we barely pause to admire the decadent bottles on the glass counters at the department store, and then we go home and everything that touches our skin is a different flavor. Each morning we end up leaving the house smelling like a fruit salad. There is no artistry or honesty or mystique in that. I would equate it to ladies being stuck in the LipSmackers stage and missing out on the all of the gloriously beautiful and expressive colors of lipstick.

Perfume tells a story about the wearer. It comments on her personality; expresses how she sees herself, and thereby can expose hopes and dreams; and is her signature on life and the air around her. We are so ready to put written signatures on emails, texts, letters, and other documents, but for some reason it is intimidating to put a signature on one's self. In my opinion the culprit is our phobia of labels. We are careful not to label anyone else and we fear them labeling us to a degree that we are afraid to do enough internal digging to label ourself. As esoteric as it sounds, one must know themself to pick a true signature scent. Unlike cheap body sprays and scented lotions, perfumes are an artistic combination of flowers or musks or powders and other scents that react with the body chemistry of the wearer to produce the final scent. Each one is distinctive with it's combination of layers. Whatever scent you choose should fit your personality but also set you apart from everyone else. People should smell it and think of you. Ladies, your man should be able to find you blindfolded using only his nose. Clean Linen won't really help out a whole lot.

So how do you pick something that is this important? It will be a process, so don't expect to waltz into a department store and leave with the first pretty bottle. Honestly, sometimes it seems the fancy bottles are over-compensating for the evil-smelling potions they contain. Also be prepared that the perfumes will smell differently on you than they do on the little sample paper strips. They're a good starting place, but always test it on your arm before you make the investment. Before I explain the choosing process, you have to decide what you're looking for. You can either have one year-round scent or a lighter scent for summer and a darker scent for winter. Two is the maximum though, because if you have more than that, you are missing the point and seriously just wasting money because they will go rancid before you get the chance to use them. Yes, perfumes go rancid and when it does it becomes an atrocity worthy only of Snape's potions class. That's why it really is better to skip the "discount scent" stores and go straight to places like Ulta or a department store. Often the product is discounted because it is close to rancid or already there. Just a side-bar between friends.

So now to the choosing process. Before you can really start, you have to decide if you're a floral, a citrus, a musk or a powder. If you have absolutely no idea what that is or how to do that ask for help. I know it's shocking, but that's actually why there are ladies behind the counter. Normally the darker the skin tone, the muskier the scent. So once you decide what you're looking for, start sniffing! I'll tell you up front that you won't be able to tell a single thing about a perfume by spraying it into the air. Start by smelling the bottle around the liquid ejection hole. If that piques your interest, spray some on one of the paper test strips. Let it dry before you smell it, otherwise you will merely get a noseful of alcohol and propellant. If you still like it, spray some on the inside of your wrist. Again, let it dry. If you still like it, wear it for a couple of hours and then smell it again. Perfumes will change with the air and your body; especially if you're glistening. If you still love it, then you've found the one. In case anyone else was seeing the parallel, perfume is a little bit like a man, and the whole choosing process is similar to dating. So be patient.

So you bought your signature. Now what? Application is very different from a body spray. You can't just spray it all over because you will gag all you are around. Neither can you spray a cloud and just walk into it. That will do nothing. Application must deliberate and careful. Whatever you do, do not get it on your clothes or it will take the color out of the fabric. I definitely learned that lesson the hard way. I think Coco Chanel explained this best. "Where should one use perfume?" a young woman asked. "Wherever one wants to be kissed." If you're an affectionate person and this confuses you, this simply translates into the inside of the wrists, behind the ears, behind the knees, and the sternum. Don't use all the spots. Pick two or three, apply one spray in each place and you're ready to go. So ladies, let's ban the body sprays and and embrace the honesty and femininity of perfume.

"A woman who doesn't wear perfume has no future." - Coco Chanel

Defining Fashion

Fashion. What is the first thing that come to mind when you hear that word? Do you immediately picture anorexic models wearing attire that looks like it was compiled from the rubble left by a tornado? Or maybe you think of beautiful but cost-prohibitive clothes that honestly only fit a size 2? If either of these is your first thought that you have completely missed the point of fashion. While on a secondary level fashion is about labels and fabrics and cuts, on a primary level fashion is about passion. Fashion is your personal statement on how you view the world, yourself, and what makes you happy. Fashion is meant to be an expression of what is inside a person, rather than an external attempt to conform to a movement or standard.

So if you accept this idea that fashion is your own personal statement to the world, then you're probably confused. How do you decide how to make your statement? And then what is the point of fashion shows and magazines if everyone is different? Those are very poignant questions to a discussion such as ours. For us to properly answer those questions we must realize that fashion is a two-sided coin. On one side you have the artists and designers, and on the other side you have the buyers.

Let's start with the artists and designers. For these people a large part of their statement to the world is portrayed in their art. Each garment and each accessory is a word in a story that tells who they are and what they're passionate about. They create with the their minds but they include a piece of their heart into each item. Then they sent it forth in hopes that it will speak to someone along it's journey and give them a portion of the joy it afforded it's creator upon it's inception.

That brings us to you - the buyer. Fashion should never be daunting. If it is, you're doing something wrong. You know you're doing it right when you love every piece in your closet and you feel like a better person when you wear them. So let's set some ground rules.
1. Clothing is never neutral. It always sends a message.
2. Don't ever be ashamed of wearing something you love.
3. Don't try to completely imitate anyone. Take ideas but be yourself.
4. If a garment is in good shape and it looks good on you, don't feel the need to discard it just because it is old.
5. Figure out what colors look good on you. They may not be what you are used to buying. Websites like http://www.seventeen.com/fun/quizzes/beauty/skin-tone-quiz and http://womens-fashion.lovetoknow.com/What_Colors_Look_Good_on_Me can help.
6. Take someone shopping with you. A second pair of honest eyes never hurt anyone. Make sure they always check garments on you from the back as well.
7. Don't feel the need to pick one style. Be classic on Monday, artsy on Tuesday, preppy on Wednesday, a little punk on Thursday, and bohemian on Friday. If you're showing off all the sides of your personality it means you're doing something right!

So with those rules in mind, start from the beginning. Figure out your coloring and your body shape, then grab your BFF and go shopping. Go to the mall. Go to Barnes and Noble and look at magazines and sip lattes. This is where the magazines come in. (Remember our questions?) The magazines are compiled by artists to help you fall in love and shout "that's me!" to the entire world. Gather ideas (you can never have too many!) but imitate no one. It may take some finding, but you do have your own stylistic voice. Use it! You may find it in your closet, or you mind it in Vogue, or at the mall. Just don't give up looking. It's fine for your clothes to say, "I don't care" if that is indeed your personal statement. But don't let your clothes say, "I don't care" merely because you are to scared or ignorant to do anything different. Think through the message of every garment and accessory and say, "Is this really what I want people to know about me?" Our individuality is part of what makes life so beautiful, so embrace it. Embrace who you were created to be, rather than letting anyone or anything dictate it to you. Fashion should never be scary or inaccessible. Fashion is fun. Fashion is power. Fashion is art. Fashion is passion.


"Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening." - Coco Chanel

"Be yourself. Everyone else is taken." - Oscar Wilde

Introduction

Welcome to my blog. I appreciate those of you who stopped by to see what this new spot is all about. I always said that blogs were pointless as anything other than a chance to continually spew one's thoughts to uninterested public. However, I have begun to realize it can also be chance to share things that inspire you with other people that have the same passions. So I'm going to use this space to share the unique fashions and cuisine that I find. So check back to see my latest acquisitions, creations and musings!